Twenty statements from 2020

 One of my very first blogs in 2005 was Twenty statements closer to really knowing myself.

If ever a year had the potential to really help you achieve self-knowledge, this was it.  

Here follows a retake on that original post.

1.  Parents .... are a treasure.  While their lives increase in fragility with age, they can also show themselves strong as they navigate the challenge.  Sometimes their energy and drive puts mine to shame.

2.  My greatest ... anchor in 2020 was the word of God, the Holy Scriptures.  Everything else seemed to become like oil in my hands - impossible to hold on to.  As friends lost homes and loved ones, I stood with everything I value in my hands and realized, there is nothing I can hold on to.  More than ever the scripture in 1 Peter 1:23 rang true: 

"For, Äll people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;  the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord endures forever." 

3.  I secretly ... struggled in 2020 with how scattered my senses were.  All semblence of predictability and order seemed toppled over like a filing cabinet, and I am still trying to sort everything back into place. 

4.  The problem with ... living in the age of media is that you no longer can rely on your own version of life.  Suddenly everything is tainted by someone else's take on things.  The challenge is to live the reality in front of you while fending off the onslaught of information from out there. This can only be done from the bedrock of Truth. 

5.  My mother used to ... fight with me endlessly about my untidy room.  As 2020 unfolded, I realized the value in living an ordered life.  When your domain is ordered, it is easier for your mind to fall in step with that.  When your mind is disordered, creating order in your domain brings some semblance of agency and influence back into your field of being.  Jordan Peterson talks about this.  Chaos is real, but creating order is always possible in some form or the other. 

6.  Women ... suffered a lot of injustice during 2020 lockdown, and the scurge of gender based violence has left deep scars on our species.  People break people. That is a sad reality. 

7.  Men ... in my life that have been so instrumental in shaping me for the better, are my dad, my husband and my teenage boys.  I wish all woman had the authentic love and security that comes from healthy relationships with these roleplayers. Without those in 2020, I would've felt very very vulnerable. 

8.  I hate ... the words COVID 19 and PANDEMIC and what power they wield over our weeping world right now.  

9.  Long ... walks with my husband and boys is something I will treasure from this season in our lives

10.  Being young ... is over for me.  I feel the weight of adulthood now.  It crushes everything in me that used to feel young. Young means carefree.  2020 was not that. 

11. Ageing ... isn't something everyone gets to experience.  Some people die young.  If you get to live it, may you have courage beyond measure, because it is a long and winding road. 

12.  I love ... my poodle Lalla.  After Goliat died I realized the wonder of knowing a dog is a temporary thing, over in a decade or so.  This irreplaceable being comes into your world, unconditional love wrapped in fur.  It is a great sadness embedded in a deep joy. 

13.  People tend to ... resort to unthinkable madness in pursuit of a false sense of peace. 

14.  My favourite ... thing about 2020 was that my husband could work from home, and we could have tea and lunch together..

15.  I'm getting better at ... nothing.

16.  I wish ... that the concept of wishes were never introduced to the world.  It is a silly notion that robs us of faith, determination and grit, because most things we wish for really are things that can only be received by grace or achieved by hard work.  

17.  Some things ... in 2020 made me realize that I value communication very highly and that I equate a lack of it with being devalued and disrespected. 

18.  In a year ... so much has shifted for everyone. Will we change for the better though? Or are we just too stuck in what we want?

19.  Children ... are fortunate to possess endless optimism.  If that disappears from a child's person, it is a grave thing indeed. 2020 did that to a few kids I know. 

20. I would like to be ... freely compassionate toward every single person in my life that requires it of me.